Potential increase

how to improve male potency

A sexologist and psychotherapist talk about the causes of erectile dysfunction and how to overcome them.

Increasing potency, or where does "male power" stay?

The internet and television are flooded with ads for "amazing" pills and decoctions that promise to restore "male strength" and get rid of erectile dysfunction. And supply, as we know, is born of demand. What happened - why were men "spoiled"? Did the internet and social networks prove "more interesting" than living women? Or perhaps the ladies themselves are to blame for the fact that there is less and less desire in their masters to become men or to fulfill that desire?

A well-known sexologist-psychotherapist answered our correspondent for these and other questions.

If a man is not interested in a particular woman and sex life in general, it is impotence. . . Fair?

- The term "impotence" has been excluded from the world classification of diseases and is replaced by "erectile dysfunction". Nevertheless, the word "impotence" is indeed common in everyday life. The literal translation means "there is no power. " For men, this is a very important area of life. men only see the symptom, the result. And they point to the loss or weakening of an erection in the process of sexual intimacy. Of course, these complaints are usually accompanied by an emotional component. A man may have anxiety or even depression. Whatever they thinkwomen about men, in fact, they all want to be successful not only in their work but also in their private lives.

There is a lot of talk now about impotence "rejuvenating. "that's right?

- I have 16 years of experience in the profession and I can rely not only on statistics but also on my own observations. Indeed, over the past 10-15 years, there has been a decline in the average age of our patients. More and more young people are applying. At the beginning of my career, the average age of patients was 40 years, now 35 years.

When a man "can’t and doesn’t want to, " what’s wrong first: physiology, psychology, or perhaps social factors?

- There's usually no single reason. When I communicate with a patient, I try to understand his lifestyle - what are his emotions, is he getting enough sleep, is he in a medieval crisis? What is your attitude in the intimate sphere, what is your partner’s behavior like? After all, a woman who doesn’t know how to seduce just needs to fulfill a "marital duty, " is often one of the causes of psychogenic erectile dysfunction. In practice, the anxious expectation syndrome of sexual failure often occurs. In this state, the man records the failure and waits for him next time. Sex will be a test for her. And if a woman voluntarily or involuntarily "pours oil on the fire, " sexual neurosis develops. And the man turns on "avoidance behavior. "Some people run into work or alcohol. Some people unconsciously provoke a quarrel with their wife to make the thought of intimacy seem absurd. Confused men sometimes choose a different path instead of going to the doctor. And it exacerbates the problem and relationships with a partner, a wife. And divorce is not far off. Some people turn to a urologist for illiteracy, but it is necessary - to a sexologist.

Not "can" or "won't"?Women are often tormented by a question: which is more important - "can't" or "doesn't want"?

"As they say, one doesn't bother the other - you can 'don't want to' and 'can't" at the same time. But we must not forget that an erection is first and foremost a clear indicator of "I want" and not "I know". But even this "desire" is not unlimited. Much depends on the sexual make-up, that is, the temperament of the man.

Is it true that men often don’t even notice the problem themselves, and even accuse the woman of wanting "too much" from her?

- You can demand compliments and erotica from a man - such as kisses, gentle touches. And an erection does not obey the will. Neither the will of the woman nor the will of the man. As soon as the word or thought "comes up", it is the beginning of the road to a dead end.

There is more and more talk about the effects of stress on modern man - is it really that awful for the intimate sphere?

- Naturally. Nature opposes conception in a stressful situation. And it reduces the degree of attraction through hormonal mechanisms. Stress levels rise - levels of the anti-stress hormone prolactin rise, which in turn inhibits the production of testosterone, a hormone responsible for the sexual desire of men and women. As a result, the sexual sphere becomes deactivated.

The main woman is the mother.They say a man’s ability to "be a man" depends on his upbringing and how he relates to his mother - right?

- Undoubtedly! The first prototype for women for a boy is the mother. He is the one who establishes relationships with the opposite sex. Every woman who wants happiness for her baby, especially a boy, should breastfeed for at least the first year after birth. During this period, a positive and negative, open or cautious attitude towards the female gender develops. Above all, mother is a woman. And if the family is not complete and the mother tries to play the role of both parents, the child will not see either the female or the male behavior. . . And as a result, the experience of communicating with the opposite sex can be negative. And this is a direct path to isolation, to disappointment. . . Moreover, isolation is not literal but emotional. For example, a man is infinitely able to change partners, left alone. In sexology, this is called promiscuity, that is, promiscuity that is incapable of forming deep emotional relationships. Therefore, if a person dreams of creating a strong and happy family, these situations require careful study.

What mistakes do mothers raising boys make most often?

- The boy needs to see an example of male behavior. If not in the family, then in the sports section. In the end are the uncles, grandfathers. But ideally, of course, you would need a father that the boy’s mother loves. Excessive guardianship, pressure, dictation is dangerous. They are full of the appearance of infantile and feminine behavior in a teenager.

Get married - just for love! Some women are obsessed with their appearance and do everything they can to please their husbands. And some stop taking care of themselves, focusing entirely on the family, the children. Could it be that a woman usually behaves so "badly" that she simply loses interest in intimate life?

- A lot depends on a woman, both positively and negatively. For example, you may appear in front of your husband in a messy outfit, in the event of a sexual failure you will blame her (although if you think about it, it’s not really her failure, it’s hers), you can’t support it, you can humiliate it and "finish it. with "words and all your behavior, and here's the result: she doesn't want anything! That's why I keep saying to the young women who come to me, 'Marry out of love, honor the man, praise him - and move mountains for you! ', good physical shape, perfume, grooming are always an advantage. But the panic of some women because of their appearance is already a problem of a woman’s self-esteem and relationship with others. After all, if people are only attracted to each other by their bodies, it is a "castrated" version of human love. There must be a desire of souls, people must be together not only in bed but also outside.

These are "terrible" businesswomen. Does it happen that a socially successful woman does not attract but deters a man? After all, where did the armies of beautiful, smart, and successful women suffering from loneliness come from? Why do men avoid them?

"It's not about success, it's about patterns of behavior. "If a woman begins to use masculine behavior patterns in a competitive environment — for example, she becomes determined, rude, and this sometimes requires her in a competitive environment — then masculine or, more simply, "brave" men don’t like it. Feminine - more "feminine" (these are called "sissy"), such a model may seem attractive as they are accustomed to obeying.

Watch out for men! If a woman is ready to fight for her husband, for family happiness, how to behave if her husband has problems in bed?

At least you have to let him sleep. Abandon all criticism altogether - even what a woman thinks is a builder. Apologize for the grievances of the past. Make sure you don’t need sex for at least a week. It's time to get to know each other better. And against this background - daily relaxing massages with oils. And you have to do these one by one. If there is no positive dynamics behind this, you should definitely go to a sexologist who can find both medical and hidden psychological reasons for the situation. It is important to explain to the man that they are not looking for "guilty" and "sick" at the front desk. Medical appointments are needed to improve the quality of your sex life - and it is possible!

Is there an example from your practice where a woman helped a man gain faith in himself - in every sense?

- I'll tell you about my fresh patient's wife. His behavior is amazing! He was approached by an entrepreneur who suffered a lot in the new economic conditions. He had many problems, and in the midst of the stress, his attraction to his wife began to decline. But what he feared most was how he would tell her that he might soon lose his business completely and be left without money and big debts. . . But his wife is used to a high standard of living. . . . I advised him to tell him everything he had. If not a close person, who will support us in difficult times? And my intuition didn’t let me down. At the next meeting, the patient reported that his wife had listened to him and said, "Okay, if that happens, I’ll go to work too. And anyway, I loved you as a poor student. I love you now and I will always love you no matter what happens. It was only from these words that the man had strength, the panic was over, his things had improved - in every sense. At the last meeting, he said to me, "I will never leave my wife - I will remember this day my whole life! " I think this woman deserves her love. And I'm calm about their relationship. I want people to love each other better, to appreciate, to respect, to support each other. And that these were not words, but deeds.